I'll fake the smiles if it stops all the questions

I made this blog to let things out, and release the negative feelings I have inside of me. It's stuff I feel I relate to, but don't want to post on my primary blog. It helps sometimes; even if it's only for a little while.

Unless otherwise stated, none of the pictures posted are of myself, nor do I take any credit for them. They are all images I found on the internet some place or another.

I want to change myself. I'm now posting more positive things, so try and keep my mind positive.
I hope 2012 is the start of my happiness.
The first few weeks of 2012 were good. Things went bad from the end of January, and it's been kind of like a rollercoadter since then.

I have a tattoo on my left wrist. The wrist I used to self-harm on, saying 'Past'. And one on my right wrist, my clean one, saying 'Future'.

Last harmed myself: 19th April 2012

ASK | FAQ | LIFE STORY

How do you harm yourself?
By cutting, burning, scratching, pinching, digging my nails in, banging my head against the wall and punching myself.

Have you ever attempted suicide?
Yes, twice. Kind of anyway. It was in the back of my mind to kill myself, but I think part of me only wanted to seriously injure myself.

  • I cut my wrist really deep, right through to the vein. I just let it bleed and bleed, and it eventually stopped. No one found out about it, although it should have been seen to and had stitches. I now have a large nasty scar there.
  • I overdosed. I had voices in my head telling me to ‘take something to feel better’ and so I took some iburofen. I’ve always known they won’t kill me, but I was just doing what the voices said, and they kept telling me to take them until I feel better and reach a happy place. And then they turned on me saying I needed something stronger to kill myself. I was hospitilized then

What do you use to cut with?
I started with a pair of scissors, but they’re really blunt now. Then I used to break apart sharpeners and use them blades, and I’ve since moved on to ripping apart razors and using them blades. If I ever become really desperate or become triggered by something, it will literally be whatever I can get my hands on.